Wednesday, July 21, 2010
♥ Losing It
I am not shy about the fact that I have never had sex.
And when I imagined having it, it was with someone I liked, in a memorable way.
But, that's not how it happened at all.
On Saturday night, I went to go watch a movie with a boy, at his house.
Halfway through the movie, I decided I didn't really like him.
He kept trying to hold my hand, and that, I thought was weird.
And he kept telling me I was beautiful and that he's surprised their isn't a line of guys to date me.
Whatever.
And then we started to make out, and ya know. I'm a woman, I am not above just using someone for some fun. And then he asked me if I wanted to go into the other room. (Not really, I'm fine on a couch, but whatever) and admist the removal of clothes I kept feeling his penis poking down there, and I would scoot away from it. But it got to the point where I couldn't scoot away anymore. I had my eyes closed and felt something. There. I assumed it was his hand. but then I opened my eyes and realized it wasn't. I'm not sure how it all happend but then he took it out, and I sat up, and he kept telling me he was sorry that he didn't realize...(how do you not realize???) I told him it was fine whatever, then said I needed to go. So I picked up my clothes, and went to the bathroom and got dressed and left. He tried calling me and he texted me. But I didn't want to talk to him. I called my friend, and just cried. I felt so stupid. I still do! I feel stupid for trusting someone, I mean I told him, I didn't want to have sex. Sure it wasn't that day. But when you get a girl that's never done it before, you remember shit like that. Or not, whatever.
So, I have learned
And when I imagined having it, it was with someone I liked, in a memorable way.
But, that's not how it happened at all.
On Saturday night, I went to go watch a movie with a boy, at his house.
Halfway through the movie, I decided I didn't really like him.
He kept trying to hold my hand, and that, I thought was weird.
And he kept telling me I was beautiful and that he's surprised their isn't a line of guys to date me.
Whatever.
And then we started to make out, and ya know. I'm a woman, I am not above just using someone for some fun. And then he asked me if I wanted to go into the other room. (Not really, I'm fine on a couch, but whatever) and admist the removal of clothes I kept feeling his penis poking down there, and I would scoot away from it. But it got to the point where I couldn't scoot away anymore. I had my eyes closed and felt something. There. I assumed it was his hand. but then I opened my eyes and realized it wasn't. I'm not sure how it all happend but then he took it out, and I sat up, and he kept telling me he was sorry that he didn't realize...(how do you not realize???) I told him it was fine whatever, then said I needed to go. So I picked up my clothes, and went to the bathroom and got dressed and left. He tried calling me and he texted me. But I didn't want to talk to him. I called my friend, and just cried. I felt so stupid. I still do! I feel stupid for trusting someone, I mean I told him, I didn't want to have sex. Sure it wasn't that day. But when you get a girl that's never done it before, you remember shit like that. Or not, whatever.
So, I have learned
- never take off your panties, they are the last line of defense
- don't close your eyes just becuase you don't want to look at him
- oh, and above all, boys are weird
Labels: first time, sex, viginity
2:31 PM
Monday, July 12, 2010
♥ ='s not so =
So when you go into a relationship and are prepared to share your heart and emotions with someone else, you expect things to be equal, do you not? I know that's what I expect to happen.
Before our time, like in the younger years of our grandparents or even their parents, females were not considered equals. They were meant to stay at home, have babies, cook, clean, not have their own thoughts, and sex their man when he wanted it. Which then in turn made more babies for them to cook, clean, and take care of. The men were the primary breadwinners, which I guess gave them the upper hand. Or whatever.
So some years go by, and women start getting jobs, and taking on more of the money responsibility themselves. But at the same time a lot of them still have to to do the at home thing, and take care and raise kids. Which is another full time job in itself...hence why I'm waiting a while before I have kids, but anyway...women have more say in the relationship business. They have more independence and a stronger voice to be heard. Women fight for Equal Rights and become more dominant. And a lot of women start to say screw the 'family scene.'
BUT for those women who don't say screw it to the family scene and are in a relationship, a reoccurring pattern has appeared.
It seems like a lot of people that I know, or people that I see in the media, are not equal as a couple. There is always a dominant breadwinner or 'ruler' of that specific relationship. I just wonder if it's possible to be equal as a couple?
A few years ago, I had a tendency to date dudes who were less of an equal than myself. They couldn't hold a job and never had any real ambition in their lives. Why did I date such douche bags? Well Im pretty sure it was because I liked the thought of being better than that person. Which I realize now is totally absurd, but then I didn't. I guess, because I had a job and real goals in life, that made me better.
You should WANT to date someone who has goals in their life and real ambition. That's just a given. I don't think you should ever have to change your standards or stoop down to meet someone else's level.
No. You both should be on equal levels, standards, ,expectations, or whatevers.
Here's what I think. I think people get lazy. In many ways actually, but from a relationship point of view with an emphasis as equals:
*we date someone who is less of an equal as ourselves because we like to feel superior. It makes us feel good about ourselves.
*if we don't have money/goals/etc., we date someone who does so we can continue on with our lives being the lazy asshole we are.
So instead of being patient, making a few mistakes, and taking a few risks...we settle. Find someone who isn't on our level and just take what we can get. We either give up part of ourself or take a part of someone else.
Ugh, but at the same time I don't want it to seem like you should think you're better than someone else. But let's be real...because that's how it should be...if you're a 20+ yr old with no goals, no job, and no intention of getting one, then I guess I would consider someone with a job and goals more of an individual than the jobless person.
The choice is up to you. Be equals. Or not.
xoxox,
L
Before our time, like in the younger years of our grandparents or even their parents, females were not considered equals. They were meant to stay at home, have babies, cook, clean, not have their own thoughts, and sex their man when he wanted it. Which then in turn made more babies for them to cook, clean, and take care of. The men were the primary breadwinners, which I guess gave them the upper hand. Or whatever.
So some years go by, and women start getting jobs, and taking on more of the money responsibility themselves. But at the same time a lot of them still have to to do the at home thing, and take care and raise kids. Which is another full time job in itself...hence why I'm waiting a while before I have kids, but anyway...women have more say in the relationship business. They have more independence and a stronger voice to be heard. Women fight for Equal Rights and become more dominant. And a lot of women start to say screw the 'family scene.'
BUT for those women who don't say screw it to the family scene and are in a relationship, a reoccurring pattern has appeared.
It seems like a lot of people that I know, or people that I see in the media, are not equal as a couple. There is always a dominant breadwinner or 'ruler' of that specific relationship. I just wonder if it's possible to be equal as a couple?
A few years ago, I had a tendency to date dudes who were less of an equal than myself. They couldn't hold a job and never had any real ambition in their lives. Why did I date such douche bags? Well Im pretty sure it was because I liked the thought of being better than that person. Which I realize now is totally absurd, but then I didn't. I guess, because I had a job and real goals in life, that made me better.
You should WANT to date someone who has goals in their life and real ambition. That's just a given. I don't think you should ever have to change your standards or stoop down to meet someone else's level.
No. You both should be on equal levels, standards, ,expectations, or whatevers.
Here's what I think. I think people get lazy. In many ways actually, but from a relationship point of view with an emphasis as equals:
*we date someone who is less of an equal as ourselves because we like to feel superior. It makes us feel good about ourselves.
*if we don't have money/goals/etc., we date someone who does so we can continue on with our lives being the lazy asshole we are.
So instead of being patient, making a few mistakes, and taking a few risks...we settle. Find someone who isn't on our level and just take what we can get. We either give up part of ourself or take a part of someone else.
Ugh, but at the same time I don't want it to seem like you should think you're better than someone else. But let's be real...because that's how it should be...if you're a 20+ yr old with no goals, no job, and no intention of getting one, then I guess I would consider someone with a job and goals more of an individual than the jobless person.
The choice is up to you. Be equals. Or not.
xoxox,
L
11:27 PM
Friday, July 2, 2010
♥ Have you ever thrown a handful of glitter in the air?
I have been thinking, after getting done with all my boy drama,
from John to Jerad to Mike to Kyle,
I think I am done with falling in like with boys for awhile.
I have been told by all that I am beautiful and smart and funny and sexy and simply amazing.
Well if this is true, why don't they try harder?
I told John that I wanted to make waffles with him, I told Mike he could make waffles with me, but no waffles have been made with me.
And then I find out that most have other girls.
Ok, well I do have other boys I flirt with, but I would stop if it got serious.
But really, how special, beautiful, smart, funny, and amazing am I if they are telling it to another girl?
One that I am fairly certain isn't nearly as amazing as I.
I have gotten to the point where I am tired of trying to find someone to make waffles with,
I am tired of all these pointless guys that I seem to waste my time liking.
Have you ever settled for something becuase you don't think something better likes you?
I don't know what I'm looking for anymore.
I don't know why it's my looks that stun boys first.
It's not like I'm not smart or funny. and I' do this thing called speaking my mind that gets me in trouble.
I must do one of two things, get really dumb, or not be cute anymore.
I have had a hard year.
Last summer, the job that I loved more than anything closed.
Then I didn't have a job for awhile.
Then I was working 2 jobs that made me want to crash my car into a tree.
But I met this guy, and although I wasn't my normal self, it felt nice to not have to worry about work for the few hours we hung out. And I didn't feel like I had to pretend to be someone else for him.
But That all went well.
And then there was Jerad.
He came to town for the car show.
I was totally and completly comfortable with him.
But he didn't make waffles with me.
He said he just wanted booty.
ummm...
And it seems to me that he has a thing for girls with babies and low self esteem.
which is SO not me.
Then I was content with being friends with benefits with another boy.
But after we met for a second time, he deleted me from facebook.
I wasn't commenting on everything he wrote, hell, I hardly even talked to him,
So I take it I must not be the kind of girl he wants to give him a bj when he's in town.
and them came Kyle.
I met him in a very unconventional way.
But he seemed nice.
I got over douche bags, and comfortable enough with him.
I asked him if he would want to go to the drive in. He seemed very excited about this.
Then the next day he told me, he now has a girlfriend.
But it's nothing I did.
but how special can i really be, if he's telling a girl the same thing as he's telling me?
I've tried my hand at this dating thing.
I've decided I don't like it.
I just feel used.
Douche #1 asked me if he could help me with my waffle problem,
But I honestly feel like after wards, I'd just roll over and cry.
Becuase if he really honestly wants to ditch me to date girls with babies,
What am I then?
I've made some pretty good choices with my life.
But sadly, it looks like this princess will never get her happy ending.
xoK
from John to Jerad to Mike to Kyle,
I think I am done with falling in like with boys for awhile.
I have been told by all that I am beautiful and smart and funny and sexy and simply amazing.
Well if this is true, why don't they try harder?
I told John that I wanted to make waffles with him, I told Mike he could make waffles with me, but no waffles have been made with me.
And then I find out that most have other girls.
Ok, well I do have other boys I flirt with, but I would stop if it got serious.
But really, how special, beautiful, smart, funny, and amazing am I if they are telling it to another girl?
One that I am fairly certain isn't nearly as amazing as I.
I have gotten to the point where I am tired of trying to find someone to make waffles with,
I am tired of all these pointless guys that I seem to waste my time liking.
Have you ever settled for something becuase you don't think something better likes you?
I don't know what I'm looking for anymore.
I don't know why it's my looks that stun boys first.
It's not like I'm not smart or funny. and I' do this thing called speaking my mind that gets me in trouble.
I must do one of two things, get really dumb, or not be cute anymore.
I have had a hard year.
Last summer, the job that I loved more than anything closed.
Then I didn't have a job for awhile.
Then I was working 2 jobs that made me want to crash my car into a tree.
But I met this guy, and although I wasn't my normal self, it felt nice to not have to worry about work for the few hours we hung out. And I didn't feel like I had to pretend to be someone else for him.
But That all went well.
And then there was Jerad.
He came to town for the car show.
I was totally and completly comfortable with him.
But he didn't make waffles with me.
He said he just wanted booty.
ummm...
And it seems to me that he has a thing for girls with babies and low self esteem.
which is SO not me.
Then I was content with being friends with benefits with another boy.
But after we met for a second time, he deleted me from facebook.
I wasn't commenting on everything he wrote, hell, I hardly even talked to him,
So I take it I must not be the kind of girl he wants to give him a bj when he's in town.
and them came Kyle.
I met him in a very unconventional way.
But he seemed nice.
I got over douche bags, and comfortable enough with him.
I asked him if he would want to go to the drive in. He seemed very excited about this.
Then the next day he told me, he now has a girlfriend.
But it's nothing I did.
but how special can i really be, if he's telling a girl the same thing as he's telling me?
I've tried my hand at this dating thing.
I've decided I don't like it.
I just feel used.
Douche #1 asked me if he could help me with my waffle problem,
But I honestly feel like after wards, I'd just roll over and cry.
Becuase if he really honestly wants to ditch me to date girls with babies,
What am I then?
I've made some pretty good choices with my life.
But sadly, it looks like this princess will never get her happy ending.
xoK
3:04 PM
Friday, June 18, 2010
♥ These things I am certain of:::
- If you have a bad feeling nothing can fix it, except confronting it.
- People change, but it won't take long for the pet peeves you had about them to start coming out again.
- Don't settle when it comes to your feelings. (settling for coke over pepsi is ok though.)
- Don't be afraid to let everyone know the real you. Even if she is a blonde barbie doll.
- Don't be afraid to say no to anyone.
- Don't be afraid to say yes to trying anything.
- Never do shots with, 'special favors' for, or touch the naked flesh of anyone call your boss.
- Never forget where you came from.
- Always take time for passion.
- Wedges are always easier to walk in than any other kind of shoe.
- Karma is real.
- Sometimes, what you think is best for you, really isn't.
- Listen to what your friends say about him, they don't have the "he's perfect" goggles on.
- Everyone should have a cat.
- Drivers should always stop and help out a turtle in need of a hand crossing the highway.
- Gay people, would totally make better parents than half the losers who don't understand birth control.
- Edward Cullen is a vampire. But he's not that great.
xo-K
12:38 PM
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
♥ A Womans Work
Recently, my brother has become engaged to a fresh out of high school 18 year old. (He's 21) I have made it no secret that I think they are much too young.
(If i had gotten married then, I wouldn't be half the total babe I am now)
Now that he is ready to live on his own and be a grown up, don't you think he would help out a little more, I mean in a week my mom will be going in for surgery and it's not like she'll want to do the gazillion things she does around the house.
Yesterday, was a typical day for me. I had to take the Doctors kids to day care (I'm her on call sitter. In case she gets called in at night, I'm there to take care of her sons), then I had to run to Adams to get my car looked at, then my mom needed her prescription refilled in the Dells, I had to clean a flat of strawberries, make supper, and pack to go back to the Doctors.
When I was leaving home to go pick up the pills, I asked my brother to unload the dishwasher. A simple task. I knew he wouldn't re-load it. I got home 40-ish minutes later, to find the dishwasher still full. How hard is it to push pause on World of Warcraft? Honestly, it took me about 6 minutes to unload it.
So, why does he think that he is ready to get married when he can't unload the dishwasher, take out the garbage with out being asked 4 days in a row, do his own laundry, help out a little (we live at home Rent Free!), make supper once in a while, or help my dad get a load of hay?
I work 3 jobs, have a social life, make supper almost every night, do dishes, laundry, take out garbage, pick up what my dog drug into the living room, help my mom with any projects, oh, and help any of my friends with anything they need from Jeff's resume, to Katie's pix...
Apparently, A woman's work his never done.
I just hope his fiance knows how much of a slob he is, and how much more work, he'll make for her.
Oh, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I wouldn't really have a problem with this, if he didn't make me, my friends & my family feel inferior to him.
And maybe if he wasn't such a douche to everyone he meets.
xo-K
7:44 PM
